RE:Good Analysis
by Saurabh Dwivedi on Aug 09, 2007 09:26 PM Permalink
This is bull shit analysis, I think total number of people employed in the recent years have increased has gone up many a times.... the Ratio should be used for giving the best picture.... Also the ratio with total population should also be used.
I think Vicky Nanjappa (author) should have done more homework .... Give us better statistics.... As it is said.. There are 3 types of lies in the world - 1. Lies 2. Damn Lies 3 Statistics
RE:Good Analysis
by vinay prathy on Aug 09, 2007 11:37 PM Permalink
No doubt this is a valid article worth the read. But would tend to disagree with as saying western culture. Am sure when you wrote this remark, you were wearing a pant & shirt which is also western culture.
A generic statement saying western culture limits our thinking into silos.
RE:Good Analysis
by Bal on Aug 12, 2007 03:11 AM Permalink
I agree... What culture we have in India? No one has explained. To me one thing i know... eveypne can have 10 children...
We should take good from the west and lets leave the bad ones.
Unfortunately, we take only bad ones.
Parents should take responsibily for this crap. I am in Uk and i see the married indian couples whi come here from very small villages. Once they come here touch down in a foreign land, they feel asif they are forigners. Thye wear a ugly jeans, skirt, these plp have such a bad figure to wear all these... most are from IT.
Girls are worst, their hubby also play a big part.
Seriously durty dress.
But their inlaws back home in india will be talking abt culture...
they are bound to happen as sys. so called is changing.girls are financially independant and their carreer's are more important to them.They cannot prefer less paid husband so the compition goes on they want children but not ready to accept duties of mother so the fights start.My advice is no girl with carrer in mind should get married.
RE:Divorce in India
by Surekha bapat on Aug 09, 2007 11:51 PM Permalink
to Kishore on congrtulating me.You are not seem to be with todays generation and do not know the views todays girls pass on If you come accros and had a chance to face that you will come to know real situation thanks and goodluck
RE:Divorce in India
by divya punj on Aug 20, 2007 11:15 PM Permalink
I dont see any point in this whole discussion. We marry the wrong person and then we are unhappy hence we divorce.
If were would marry someone who we loved a lot or liked a lot we would put in efforts to make the relationship special. Incase we are not then we know its not about working long hours or anything .. its just that we did not make an effort at all. We are married to a person we did not want to be married in the first place.
RE:RE:Divorce in India
by Surekha bapat on Aug 21, 2007 11:05 PM Permalink
so get marry and divorce and earn handsome money as alimony as Indian laws favors ladies and recently I heard stories of moms and daughter do this business to earn money
RE:Divorce in India
by anjali on Aug 22, 2007 03:19 AM Permalink
Everyone has a right to express their opinion surekha. you dont have to be so rude to divya. You expect everyone to say yes and confirm to your views but refuse to even listen to other person. I dont know why you are so full of hatred.Seriously, as Garima aptly stated, its Mothers in law like you who cause homes to brake.
RE:Divorce in India
by Surekha bapat on Aug 22, 2007 11:05 PM Permalink
and rightfully mother-in-law like you are saving marriages so best of luck for you and advocte your views and do good to community
RE:Divorce in India
by anjali on Aug 24, 2007 02:42 AM Permalink
Well thanks surekha! and best of luck to you and your community too for not continuing to spit venom and getting some sense in your head!!
RE:Divorce in India
by anjali on Aug 25, 2007 06:11 AM Permalink
My my Sureka, you really seem to be concerned, advising to be careful and wishing good luck! Well, dont you bother, your venom wont affect me , but it ll come back to you one day!
RE:Divorce in India
by simha chalam on Aug 09, 2007 07:36 AM Permalink
In that case, search richer guys b4 itself, rather than marry thses ppl, later U go to work & strain Urself and finally break the realNship. All this drama by ladies is nothing but inventing the western culture==> changing the sytem as & when the configuration is found better.
RE:RE:Divorce in India
by anjali on Aug 09, 2007 09:01 PM Permalink
Very stupid comments by Surekha and Simha. You should come up with some constructive solutions rather than chastising female gender and western values. Every generation and Time has its problems, and people who are really worried about the future generations and families come up with solutios rather than stupid criticism!
RE:RE:RE:Divorce in India
by Surekha bapat on Aug 09, 2007 11:54 PM Permalink
to Anjali It seems that you are partly agree with me Can you please tell me the solutions I am looking forward to it
RE:Divorce in India
by anjali on Aug 10, 2007 12:37 AM Permalink
Surekha I dont agree with you. You are blaming career oriented girls for higher divorce rates.Women cant accept lesser paid husbands because they are mocked by the so called Confirmists(like you?) And women who have jobs do compromise careers for the sake of motherhood. Most of them do it. There are irresponsibles ones, I agree. But an irresponsible mother doesnt necessarily have to be one who is independent and career oriented, it can be a housewife too. I think Indian women's change is much more rapid than men and men dont seem to be catching up that quickly.It will take time to adjust to the new social changes. There is nothing wrong with career oriented women, we just have to be more understanding and accepting. Women should not flaunt their independence or be arrogant about it and men should also understand that women also are human beings who have potential to exceed at professional front also. Hope this makes my point clear to you.
RE:Divorce in India
by Surekha bapat on Aug 16, 2007 11:03 AM Permalink
Anjaliji every coin have two sides so do not think from your perspective It implies for felxibility also.
RE:RE:Divorce in India
by anjali on Aug 16, 2007 11:14 PM Permalink
Yes i agree , every coin has 2 sides. Well you read Garima's comment below on this page. She has said it all which i wanted to stay. Hope you do see 2 sides clearly.
RE:Divorce in India
by anjali on Aug 16, 2007 11:36 PM Permalink
Hope you are able to see both sides clearly and change your intolerant attitude to a more flexible one surekha.
RE:RE:Divorce in India
by d dixit on Aug 10, 2007 03:22 PM Permalink
Ya Anjali u r absolutely right. womens are changing at much faster rate then men. But u know they r changing in wrong way adopting western culture, I won%u2019t consider it as a good sign of changing. A change which do not affect ur social value, ur moral value, ur family value, ur attitide should be consider as a good sign of change. I would say most of the women are fickle minded. They changed very frequently. We men r not like that.
Ya u r right, we men r not changing quickly, we r still following our old tradition of Indian values. Even though we r working in MNC's going abroad, but still where ever we see temple we boa our head. Still worried abt our sisters marrage, worried abt our career growth and abt our parents happiness. Yes we men r still the same.
U go ahead break all the rules that till now society has imposed on u, tell them ur ancestors are fools they have imposed lots of restriction on u. And u have emerged to break all those rules. Achieve ur success at any cost.
RE:RE:RE:Divorce in India
by anjali on Aug 10, 2007 09:49 PM Permalink
Well dilip, to you i ll say that today's independent woman still bows the head in front of the temple ( women have always been more religious than men and still are). what they dont want to accept is the inequality in traditional family roles which was there.To depend on a husband all the time for each and every small thing, to suffer at the hands of in laws, to forget one's own desire completely and live like a slave! Yeah thats was today's woman is against. If you are against it then you and all the ones like you have a problem.You never had any rules and now when the woman does the same thing, you feel the pain!You hypocrite!
RE:Divorce in India
by anjali on Aug 15, 2007 05:14 AM Permalink
Well Sureka, first maybe you should get your statistics right and then ask others to put forward theirs. Maybe you should be a little flexible in your approach and ask YOUR womenkind to be more flexible. Will be much helpful to you!
RE:Divorce in India
by SYDNEY PINTO on Aug 10, 2007 11:22 AM Permalink
I believe We got 2 Practice the Aspects of Forgiving for what Each One is. It is a Difficult World we stay. But it is the Same world R Parents have lived successfully. R Parents faced the Same Trauma, but they had to Be Financially Dependent on other person, whereas the Independence in Money by Either person has Led to this Fracas. A Diction saying "A Family That Prays together stays together" works even today. I think both the Partners have to do that together before going to Sleep and in every Work we do, if Possible. R Parents out of the Hard Lives to Bring Us UP has Given us the Best of Life. But They Have forgotten to teach us to Struggle in Life and appreciate the Difficult things in Life so as to Respect Marital Discords on a Daily Basis. That is where the Problem is.So We got to share this and Help Each Other in this Front.God Bless.
RE:Divorce in India
by Surekha bapat on Aug 11, 2007 12:23 AM Permalink
anjali seems to be women liberalization head.ok she wants to change the sys.she has soultions.she should now take a survey and find out statiticks and prove her point It will be more useful to change the mind of her other women folks
RE:Divorce in India
by Bal on Aug 12, 2007 03:13 AM Permalink
I agree... who is ready to listen to all these.
where is the solution?
What culture we have in India? No one has explained. To me one thing i know... eveypne can have 10 children...
We should take good from the west and lets leave the bad ones.
Unfortunately, we take only bad ones.
Parents should take responsibily for this crap. I am in Uk and i see the married indian couples whi come here from very small villages. Once they come here touch down in a foreign land, they feel asif they are forigners. Thye wear a ugly jeans, skirt, these plp have such a bad figure to wear all these... most are from IT.
Girls are worst, their hubby also play a big part.
Seriously durty dress.
But their inlaws back home in india will be talking abt culture...
RE:Divorce in India
by Surekha bapat on Aug 12, 2007 12:18 PM Permalink
To bal what you want to tell everybody? here point of discussion is about Divorce not for who wears what!In India also girls wear funny dresses.so no wonder when they land in foreign country, they ought to wear crazy dresses.culture should come by act of dignity,resposibility and loyalty which parents and school's should teach to todays generation.only producing 10 childrn is of no use.
RE:Divorce in India
by prajwala tatte on Aug 10, 2007 12:29 PM Permalink
I agree with Anjali. Men are not ready to change themselves. Male chauvanism is the major hurdle in the happy marraige. Also non compatibility. Caste is preferred over abilities and intellectual-emotional tuning.Look at the matrimonials and see what is the % of 'caste no bar' or 'some perticular caste need not apply' kind of ads. Long working hours is also a important factor.
RE:Divorce in India
by sharad sing on Sep 03, 2007 07:28 PM Permalink
Yes Prajwala i agree with u .Men do not want to change,.But all ways u should not think of your self.both should change ,are you happy with no adjustment,is your counter part happy.Check your self
one of the major reasons for divorse in india is too much of intereference in newly married couples by the mother of spouse.In India.daughter goes to boy's house after marriage and she is expected to adopt to the culture of the family.This aspect is not inculcated by mother of the bride and the friction starts.This is due to one child policy adopted volunteryly for last 20/25 years With so many cases of single daughter's mothers interfearance i have seen among friends, I have decided to prefer a match for my son who has a brother and sombody elses daughter is coming to their house or already is there This way mothers will know how to behave with daughter or daughtr in law I am aware also that marriages are broken if couples are staying separately and the reasons discussed One thing is so far certain that woman only can give birth to a child and has a different role to play in married life.They mould the culture for the child and the child is brought up. I have also seen a couple, where the husband left his job, allowing his wife to pursue her career. he not only taught the children,who are now highly educated, and he did all the household work Today how many girls are ready to marry a boy who is less educated and earns less? I have not seen any adv. in matrimonials any girl ready to accept such husband In short a woman makes or breaks family
RE:Divorse in India
by Garima on Aug 12, 2007 07:28 PM Permalink
Surekhaji,
Looks to me you are the interfering mother of the spouse - and if your dear darling son gets divorced it will be because of you. Your comment "I have decided for my son ..... " is pathetic. Do you know what your son wants ? Or are you too self absorbed to care for your son's happiness.
MIL's like you are the ones who cause divorce - expecting a girl to come to your house and instantly adjust. When you are looking forward to be a constanr factor in your son's life, why should the mother of a girl not look forward to this pleasure. It is people like you - who expect daughter's to forget their natal families, that cause friction. It is people like you, that make couples not desire daughters, as they realize it is ok culturally to hang on their sons, but not their daughters.
My advise - learn to let go of your children, let them live their life. They will still love you and cherish you, and look after you. A mother's love should not be so selfish, that she cannot accept her son's happiness, unless she is a crucial part of his life even after marriage.
I hope many years from now, when my daughter looks for a spouse, she finds a man who loves her unconditionally for who she is, and supports her aspirations, and vice versa, my daughter does the same too for her spouse. That is true love. I hope the same for my son too. And if I interfere in my son's life, I hope my son is man enough to tell me to back off . That will be the day I will be proud to have raised a
RE:Divorse in India
by jyotsna agrawal on Aug 15, 2007 02:43 PM Permalink
very well said Garima and Anjali! Rarely any one with thinking mind and self-introspection writes a comment here. I congratulate you both. most of the people here are writing the easiest and one sided story for them, as MIL, as Man...etc. I was given up after birth because i was a girl child. And my adoptee parents gave me freedom to grow. and i am their only child. My husband had problems with them and his love seemed so weak that he could not include them in his love while expecting me to love his entire extended family. Now I am on my own, back to college and studying!
RE:Divorse in India
by Surekha bapat on Aug 21, 2007 10:55 PM Permalink
good Jyotsna that you are free.You are also looking from your perspective.one sided story you feel but your story for me also look like from your side It is natural that one say his or her story from their experience.The maturity comes from showing comprmise by both sexes.After all marriage is a lottery.
RE:Divorse in India
by anjali on Aug 22, 2007 03:21 AM Permalink
yeah u r rite Marriage is a lottery. It ll be surely a a bad lottery for your daughter in law Surekha!
RE:Divorse in India
by Surekha bapat on Aug 22, 2007 10:58 PM Permalink
and good lottery for your son-in law.After all son-in-law is a god send son to be
RE:Divorse in India
by anjali on Aug 24, 2007 02:44 AM Permalink
Sure surekha, he ll have a good lottery. Hope you are around to see that! but you surely will give a bad lottery to your daughter/son in law!
RE:Divorse in India
by simha chalam on Aug 09, 2007 07:39 AM Permalink
very well sd.,it's uto the woman to 'make' or 'break' the fmly. Also these days in most case the parental interference is much.. resulting to this havoc., esp from the girls' side
The previous generation was too concerned about society & would continue to live through unhappy marriages. The present generation is less tolerant of the same. So 10-15 years back the same numbers would have had an unhappy living. These people probably are relieved after the divorce. Of course there would be some stupid people who do it in a haste, for whom counselling etc is reqd, but then there are lot of genuinely unhappy couples who go on to lead happy lives after divorce. It doesn't make divorce a good thing, but then in life there are maany painful decisions you have to take for your own betterment
Endless pages can be penned. However some points come to mind easily.
Willingness to forgive the other partner is a point often overlooked. Holding Grudges for years destroys marriages.
How ever Bangalore marriages are an obvious result of GREED. One or both partners should be willing to give up the high paying job and settle for a low paying one but a job which leaves space for Human interaction.
Marriages based on GREED seldom last long.
However in a age where brains are trained into FOCUSING on money and money only any sensible advice will have few takers!
Another Extension of the same issue is love for FALSE PRESTIGE. Lot of couple buy things they cannot afford on loans and when it is pay up time quarrels are bound to take place.
Thirdly VALUE SYSTEMS are a commonly seen cause of divorce. What one spouse thinks of his/her right the other thinks of in an entirely different way. Part of the New Value System is the acceptance of divorce as a means of resolving disputes.
Who should serve the mother in law is part of the value system. Lot of IT folks dress up in western dress but when it comes to Family matters take a medieval view of family matters. Some are unrealistically futuristic!
Divorce should be considered only when things have gone to an irreparable state. However todays youngsters have "low frustration tolerance".
It pays to remember that "FLEXIBITY"=HAPPINESS "RIGIDITY"=DOOM.
I remember as a young successful doctor and having taken it for granted that I had made it, I found to my utter surprise that I had no demand in the marriage market!I had to swallow a lot of my pride before getting married having being reminded what a 'meherbani' it was!
We as human beings have a lot of soul searching to do.
But we shouldn't forget that we are all a little crooked inside. Divorce and suicide are just some symptoms of our disease called "crookedness."
RE:Divorce Rate
by simha chalam on Aug 09, 2007 07:44 AM Permalink
Wah Wah Dr saabh., that's exactly correct. Flexibility is Happiness & Rigidity brings Doom Tx for that mesg. It's a MUST to be practicd.
I am divorce twice. What i feel that giving more freedom to a woman most of the times ends in disaster. I know my mother & sister is a woman, but they do not belong to the present generation life, hence happy.
I always felt woman should be a role model to a society. As the saying goes woman can create & destroy life.
I don't see the affection in todays marriage. Marriage seems to be adjustment in todays world, its like a business give & take.
RE:Is Marraige a affection or adjustment or a sucide!
by vijay ranjan on Aug 08, 2007 02:41 PM Permalink
find foreign girls and marry them. It takes so much time understanding each othr and by the time u ll understand each other completely , u both would be so old for any divorce. lol
RE:Is Marraige a affection or adjustment or a sucide!
by prajwala tatte on Aug 11, 2007 01:13 PM Permalink
Instead of finding faults with your spouse introspect yourself. Your mother and sister may be happy because they were not married to a (may be!) difficult man like you. Even you can become a role model of a good husband by sacrificing for your wife and family. DO NOT BLAME WOMAN LIBERALISATION.
RE:Is Marraige a affection or adjustment or a sucide!
by divya punj on Aug 20, 2007 11:19 PM Permalink
wow now now thats a pure techy... love that encrypted response... i am glad i am a EP over EE too. Divya Punj
1.RADAR did an extensive search of the UN Population Fund's website. Nothing there! Then a Google search. No luck! So finally contacted the UNDP Information Office. The UNDP employee was unable to find a statement in any UNDP publication that even resembled that statistic. The phony 70% figure was actually concocted by someone whose agenda was something other than reporting the truth. Latest talk that UN has accepted their mistake & withdrawn their report %u2013 our Ministers too who passed this law based on that report of UN withdrawn the law or forget even think of amending or punishing the Mis users? www.mediaradar.org 2. http://encycl.opentopia.com/term/Bride_burning Brideburning is often disguised as a kitchen accident or suicide. Many bride burnings are not reported as such, & the exact no of victims can only be estimated. In 2005, the latest year in which statistics r available from the National Crime Records Bureau of India, confirmed & reported dowry deaths, including bride burning summed to 7026. But the conviction rate of this crime remains at about 30% which can indicate that a good %age of these reported dowry deaths r false. How many r bride burnings out of 7026 dowry deaths registered? Many consider about 5000 of these 7026 deaths r by suicide & bride burning incidents r around 200-500. 3.Stat from B'lore Wipro%u20131300;Rest B'lore%u20133200;97%Husbands frm IT 3% frm rest fields. Whole India in last 6yrs%u2013 96%Misused,4%Actual 4. http://www.malet.com/Female%20Criminality
In our tradition , marriage is a major milestone in life , not one more stone. It is a physical union and a spiritual communion . This needs to be drilled into the minds of youngsters. Next , marriage is all about adjustments , compromise and space. These 2 things can make or break a marriage. Before marriage , the boy and girl must meet and try to know each other , at least a couple of hours. Once , the youth get into divorce mode , they cannot be happy with any person.
IT companies also need to address this issue. There must be some time , say two days a week , where the employees can leave at 5 PM. This makes a lot of difference and can result in reduction of divorces. IT must change their HP policies , they are setting the trend in India with long unjustified , stressful working hours which is telling upon the personal livs of these youth ; If the correction is not done , soon other companies will follow suit ; which will be disastrous for the society.
