i really feel sad reading this. it doesnt matter who the sons or daughters are, until they dont realize their mistakes no councelling or punishment can help them, neither their parents. i dont know how these kids live with themselves. our mind is the best judge of our actions and if these guys do such things there is a little chance of improvement. i dont mean to preach here so i will just say one thing; all those who have posted a comment can adopt a granny. there will be enough money to take care of these unfortunate mothers. i am going to do it, this will be something good i do for the day. i urge others to do the same.
please help our mothers, we are Indians live up to the honor.
This is not to offend men, but the sad reality is most desi men are hardened callous and apathetic Sons towards their OWN parents.
A SON is responsible traditionally for the caregiving of his elderly parents in their old age, whereas a daughter is considered paraaya dhan given away at Kanya daan upon her marriage. He is accountable for negligence of his parents or siblings.
Daughters normally care for their parents even while living far away with inlaws. However the Son lives in a nuclear family by the mantra 'Hum aur hamare do' he will rush to the hospital at a moment's notice if his kid got bruised at a school game or his wife had a headache...but find excuses to visit his terminal ill father admitted at the same hospital.
Some guy here mentioned he lectured his mom when she interfered in his social life, the prob here is not Jealousy..it is isolation and desperate loneliness of the aged imprisoned in their homes all day long, working as nannies or maids for free. Maybe he could have offered to buy tickets or planned a fun outing for his own mother with her friends and enjoyed his outing with his wife. If ppl don't have time to spend with their parents then the least they can do is make arrangements for them as well.
Seniors...widowed or single have a good social life in the West, they hang out at Shopping Malls in groups, have bingo nights, get specials at the gym, public transport, theatres, shopping etc to make it easier for them to enjoy life. They even have luncheon/dinner dates to meet other retired ppl going thru the same phase in life and make more friends.
Most single mothers in the West struggle with deadbeat Fathers, the Indian women suffer at the hands of deadbeat and uncaring Sons in their old age. The irony is these deadbeat Sons and Brothers are devoted SILs and Husbands.
When a guy bends over backwards to impress his newly found inlaws and wife, why does he then turn around and neglect his very own parents?? Is the woman at fault here? Maybe Not.
I am a psychologist, a frequent visitor to Vishranthi, friendly with all pattis. I have found out that many patties have no children of their own but they do have relatives. They all long for someone to come and talk to them.A small hug, a friendly smile and an ear to listen make them very happy. Savithri Vaithi is Mother to all inmates of Vishranthi. Her humane services are of a superlative degree and beyond comparison. I admire her most on my every visit to Vishranthi. I wish her a very long life to continue her noble services.
We should never ever forget that the cause of our so-called current positions are the hard work our parents.So according to me any one who abandons either his mother or father is no longer eligable to live in this planet and he should by hanged till death...
It is not the Bahu.The defaulter is the SON who is responsible for the balance on both the sides.But in case of extreme situation,he is the one to decide and go for the soul that is responsible for his existence.Even i have visited such places and seen parents being kept in such places for reason that they are abroad and there is no one to take care ,so their parents are there.Rubbish ,if he can take care of his wife and kids ,one or two soul should not be a problem for him.Yes the western culture is killing our culture which is suppose to be the oldest in the history.Let's join hands to save it. ANIL SHARMA - 9820446202
Abandon a mother or father or not allow a girl child to see light is our times cruelties. We move toward progress! shame! The anima in us becomes animus, better say a beast.
A big word of appreciation for Vishranthi and Ms. Vaithi. We talk so much about Mother Teresa but I believe Ms. Vaithi is no less compared to Mother Teresa for the noble work she is doing.
Ofcourse, as many people have already pointed out the children of the abandoned parents have to be condemned.
But I would also like to pose an open question to all youngsters of today (including me). Are we, the guys who have not sent our parents to old age homes or Vishranthis really being any better? Are our parents getting the quality treatment they deserve in our hands or are we just taking them for granted in most occasions? We dont become better children to our parents by providing them a palatial mansion, may be even hire several servants and attenders and cooks for them. How many of us are really there for our parents all the time when they need us. Before we say it is not practical to be there all the time, they only have to call once and we come rushing (mind you, I used to make the same statements to myself some time ago when this questions popped up in my own mind) and all that, let us just turn the clock back to our child hood. Did they just leave us somewhere in some big house/child care institution leaving 100s of attenders/cooks and servants and gave us any instruction like call us whenever u need us and we will be here or were they there for us before we called personally cleaning every shit we throw up (both in the literal and figurative sense)?
How many of us would resing our high paying jobs in cities/US/IK/other foreign countries and take up a job near our parents' place just so that we can be there for them when they need us. When I ask this question, I am including myself as the target audience for this question and sadly speaking I was not one of those who would throw my hands up and say yes for this question up to a couple of years ago. There were a lot of days when I discussed this with my wife and she was very understanding to this ( I thank God for giving me such a wife) and fully supported my decision of resigning my job and taking up the job of a school teacher in my town. I earn less than one tenth of what I did earlier. My own ex-colleagues, college friends, school friends and even my current colleagues in school ridicule me for this decision and even pass snide remarks sometimes in front of me and sometimes behind my back. I have now been branded as an unprofessional and emotional idiot (I am sure many people in this board would also share the opinion). Frankly speaking it did hurt me at some points and I also reviewed as to whether I took a hasty and emotional decision. Sometimes my parents also expressed guilt saying that they feel responsible for my "bad decision" but believe me today when my father says he is happy to have a son like me to take care of him and my mother, that compliment out weighs all the ridicule I underwent. May be he is saying this only so that I feel happy!! I am sure even now there are many areas where I need to improve to become a better son. But still I am actually happy that I am atleast physically present near them.
I am not saying that everyone should resign good jobs and go back to their respective home towns and take up a job there to be close to their parents, but would definitely urge people NOT TO DO any of the following (these things may sound small, silly and trivial, but please do remember that before we talk about great things like glorifying them for their presence and quoting scriptures/holy books, it is essential to get some basics right)
1. Being over protective about them at their old age is as bad as being over protective about our own children. They very well know what they think they can do and what they cant. Going on monitoring them is nothing short of military discipline for them and surely they wont like it. It is important to give them a feeling that they have their freedom as it is important to care for them.
2. Please dont ever make statements like "I keep calling my parents to join me in my place but my parents are adamant and want to stay back in their own place" etc. I myself have made this comment before and have listened to such comments from people. Believe me this is only our escapism against the truth. Fact is we want the best of having the luxuries we have in our current location as well as the benefit of having our parents with us. Well, if we are fortunate enough to get both then fine, if not, it is our call on which we consider more important and we must face the consequence of the decision we take. But please picture this for a moment before blaming them for being un-understanding or adamant. Just few years of familiarity with a place make us think several times before moving elsewhere even for a vacation, but we expect our parents who are used to decades of a kind of life to change their thoughts and live with us just so that we have the cake and eat it too!!
3. Dont impose ideas of cleanliness and hygiene when they handle our babies. I am guilty of doing the same and feel ashamed for the same. I mean, they have brought me up in worse environments and I am very much alive and kicking today. Surely they know more about what is good and not good for my baby than what I know.
4. At their age their health problems are more mental than physical. Any amount of physical strain with less or no stress is unlikely to cause any harm to them. It is not necessary to breathe down their necks instructing them what to do and what not to do so that their health is not affected. (Again this is something I learnt the hard way).
There could be many more and we can write a book on this, but fact is let us atleast do these small things right and keep our own parents at our homes happy before condemning people for sending theirs to old age homes. Just because we didint send them away to old age homes doesnt make us better children. We cannot change any past damage we have done to them but surely whatever time we have in the future with them can be made better.
RE:Kudos to Vishranthi and a food for thought for us youngsters
by Vinod Mahesan on Mar 09, 2007 02:27 AM Permalink
Anand, If all of us thought this way, the world would be such a nice place to live. I was living in the US and now moved to Canada, luckily my family (my wife, brother and his wife) are all very understanding and loving. My retired parents now spend their time between the kids and are very happy. My dad used to be the sole breadwinner in the family for a long time, till we kids picked up the gauntlet, for which we had to leave the confines of our home. But it was always a question of when can we be together. Infact the only reason I decided to move out of US and come settle in Canada was to not only fulfil my dream of my whole family here living with me, but also for my wife's family also to be here with us. Fortunately for me, my parents have said only one thing (we would like to live where our kids are), and my brother and his family is moving here next year. So all in all we will be one united family. Many of my western friends are not able to grasp and understand this and I tell them, we have a rich culture lasting 5000 years, there are so many good things in our culture, one of them is taking care of our elders when they grow old. Infact they (my canadian and american friends) feel a lot jealous about not being able to have such a culture to look upon. Its sad that a good practice which we sustained over such a long period is being wasted away by the new and upcoming generations all in the name of what, we cant handle our parents. I plan to instill in my kids the good values of respecting and taking care of your elders, and if we are not going to be examples, any kind of theory is not going to work. I am close to tears listening about these mothers being abandoned, I would defintely be interested in adopting and taking care of one of the mothers. In this world, there is no love like the love a mother can give, she is the only one who will be there for you, whether you are sick, destitute, beyond hope. The whole world will leave you, ridicule you but your mom's world is one place where you are always a prince, a king and get unconditional love. Why would somebody leave so much love?? All for money, but money cant buy love, even the beatles realised that long ago, why can't we.....
RE:Kudos to Vishranthi and a food for thought for us youngsters
by indiantothecore on Mar 09, 2007 12:17 AM Permalink
Kudos to U Mr Anand. I can't blve there are desi men like U who put your parents first. They must be truly proud of U. I blve your wife is indeed a very lucky lady. She is blessed with a husband who genuinely cares for his own parents. The blessings U receive and the happiness U bring to them is priceless, one can't eva put a dollar figure to it.
It must be tough for U and your wife to bear the criticism meted out at U for not pursuing greed in a dog eat dog world of ours, but the selfless devotion of yours is exemplary.
Those who ridicule U are the losers they must have dumped their parents in retirement homes or imprisoned them to serve as slaves. People who chase money are always sprinting, they chase it for life for no amount is ever enough. They don't really retire to enjoy it.
I am a bit weary about Senior homes, do the residents there really ENJOY their time, or is it like an Orphange where the orphans wait to be adopted and set free...only in this case they wait for the angel of Death to relieve them of their misery while residing amidst strangers who are merely doing a job of helping them.
i usually think up on this matter. what i felt is its all about taking the matter seriously. If you are really gonna to accept what is reality you can face any situation. According to me my parents are my Hero. They have gone through & sufferd through every aspect of life. I am not gonna to leave them even after my last breath on this planet.
