It is absolutely clear from your writing that you have very definite views about marriage and sex. While it is purely a personal view point - to have it or not first of all, and if decided to have it whether to have sex before or after marriage - I am sure that many people will definitely agree with your view points stongly supported by facts. Your views are very mature and clear - may be because you said you are 30 and a female. A female should assert at your age no matter she is married or not. But if this question is put to a 20 year old unmarried woman, the reply need not be the same as yours.
A person forms his or her opinion depnding on the circumstances he/she was brought up and the company they keep. It also depends on the social status of the person concerned.
While sex is to be enjoyed by human beings unlike animals, the circumstances leading to that should be planned and based on a firm institution. In any case avoid casual sex, that is what I advise.
Oft times it's difficult to come with right or wrong answers in terms of love and relationships. Sex as u pointed out is based on trust and giving urself to the other completely with ur whole and soul. Real sex becoms meaningful only when the mind and the heart are in unison. I feel differently abt pre-marital sex though. In a way, sex also puts things in perspective. Lets face it we dont want to marry ppl who dont smell right or whose aggression we find too much to take! In most cases sex helps us detrmine the longevity of our relationship with the person. Lust and love are two different things and yet they are connected in so many ways. One without the other is incomplete. Again, this is a personal opinion and ppl are free to disagree. Sex before marraige or after it, requires two mature individuals who love unconditionally:D
I have always maintained my stand on premarital sex since my days in school and immature as it may sound for having formed it so young, I still stand by it. No, it was NOT to cover up for a careless act!
I believe sex is welcome when 2 people are so comfortable in a relationship that if and when they do indulge in this act of togetherness, they ought to be able to come out of it with a straight face and be able to see each other in the eye just as they did before having sex. If that's possible, sex is not an issue - Its but an extension of one's natural self.
I dont see how marriage acts as a license to sex. Personally, I think its ridiculous.
Well, your piece of writing really evoked me to say something. I agree with your each and every word. You know Sarah that you have expressed some facts like if someone has conviction to do something then better to be with that and do that. Secondly, as said by your aunt that it's the mental and emotional damage that does not heals. By these excerpts I just wanted to say you that it is the humans consent now that should match. Either it's sexual intercourse or some very small thing, if there is mutual consent (as you also interrogated) then there is going otherwise not. It is again that very consent that comes with marriage in your case but not with someone else. Again it really is not an issue that you are old-fashioned or prude rather you have got a conviction and that is not at all any mistake for which your will be paying. It is just your unique thought procession and be affirmative to it. Why should we relate us everytime with others rather it should be like I AM WHAT I AM. Though you said it but appeared to rationalize the things. If that is just to convey and not to satisfy you then it's okay.
Thanks for giving me this opportunity to express my self.
We are living in times where some people desire a doggish lifestyle of mating at every crossroads. Sex just for sex is like chasing the wind. You will never get what you are really looking for.It leads to disillusionment and a deep sense of dissatisfaction.
being a doctor i advise people about sex and marriage . we human beings are given something called the limbic cortex which is not found in lower animals. its main function is higher emotion and judgement to put it simply. this is there to ensure that we donot become slave of our senses.
from experiences of my patient , i can shortly say that 100% of people having polygamous or onenight stands are going to have a sense of shock sooner or later.it is very difficult and impossible to detach yourself from the very act that produced you in the first place. if you arenot attached to your first partner, you will definitely get attached to your 101st or lets say 10001st partner. then what is going to happen? suddenly all these years of happiness(?) going to seem like hell.
lastnight i attended to a guy who was beaten and stabbed with kitchen knife by his 18th girlfriend.this not an exception , i see it in my day to day life.
my patient will find it very strange that the doctor who has succesfully counselled them about marital and sexual problem is a 29 yr old virgin. yes i will turn 29 in august .i dont agree with people who take sex as casual. for me commitment is first necessity
Sarah is 100% correct in her article " No Sex, Please. I'm single". It is a result of deep and clear thinking. Unfortunately, most of the people thinking this way does not express themselves on the net. They should also express their view.
I too am one who believes that marriage should be the golden key that unlocks the 'goodies inside'. By all means do have fun, hold hands, pull-hairs, movie together, disco around, date as many as you possibly can, but hold on..no 'spilling' the beans till 'the law' says so! You achieve self-mastery this way and can give the monk who sold his ferrari, a run for his loin cloth!
Hi Sarah.I must admit your article was very interesting and informative(even I had no clue what in the world were bonobos).Anyway that is besides the point.I tend to agree with your reasoning for not being for pre-marital sex.Your flamboyant friend had some really out-of-the-box thoughts and ideas...which were eye-openers...but one line you mentioned in your reasoning said it all......
"Why is it that we copulate face-to-face, look into each other's eyes and have full body contact?"
Being a male(21 yrs) I will not have to pay the price of one night stand....the woman will....as your line at the end mentions...."After all, I will be the one paying the price for my mistakes, not anyone else". But somewhere deep down my conscience tells me that pre-marital sex is unethical,immoral and highly unfair to the woman in particular.
Kudos to you for such a nice article.Looking forward to more articles from you.
