I completely agree with Manish Rogi. In most cases, it is Mother who creates problems rather than Wife. They are unable to cope up with changing times and spend most of their time cribbing, complaining and crying. Since the mothers were ill-treated by their mother-in-laws, they want the same thing to happen to their daughter-in-laws ! It is pure "ragging". I do not understand their mental makeup when they love their "own" daughters but hate the newly arrived daughter-in-law, who leaves everything and comes to her husband's house for the rest of her life. The main reasons are Over-possessiveness and Jealousy. Mothers are jealous that their bahus are educated, that they go to work and express their love to husbands more freely than the previous generation. The "older" generation needs some education to solve this issue. They need to "see" the world and let go of their "ego".
RE:They too are responsible !
by Pallavi Pratap on Mar 08, 2007 07:18 AM Permalink
i m sure mr. manish & mr.sudarshan, ur mothers too must be in one of these houses only cos u believe ur wife need not be ragged...
do u guys even realise that at their age it happens that they become possessive, they become a bit cynical, thats cos they are not the same as they used to be. they are old now, they cant do things they wud have wanted to with the energy tht they had... they have ailments now and so they cant think of being ok all the time... plz dont just go ahead accuse ur mother for all this... i live in australia, its an aging country and i see everyday how these old aged people cope with their life... its sooo tough..
dont accuse ur mom for everything. u too will b old some day, u will also undergo all this...
dont say this for heaven's sake... they are the ones who have given u birth, they have been there to catch u when u fell, when u were low they helped u, and now if they expect a little in return, is it too much to ask?
RE:RE:They too are responsible !
by amit khurana on Mar 08, 2007 07:58 AM Permalink
Hi Pallavi,
I am from Australia as well and totally believe what you said. The younger generation in India is following the western culture now a days and doesn't understand that the western world is going towards our culture because thats the best.
RE:RE:They too are responsible !
by Raju Aiyer on Mar 08, 2007 10:59 AM Permalink
Pallavi, it is youngsters like you who still give hope to people like me who are almost there in that stage of our lives where we would require help from our progenies for taking our last steps out of this world. We expect this from our children as a matter of right as we helped them take their first few steps in this world without getting hurt. It is also a matter of right for us because we witnessed our parents do this to our grand-parents and we in turn did (or doing) to our own parents. Where parents-in-law do not have sons they have only daughters, it is an unwritten code of honour that the sons-in-law look after their aged parents-in-law too. If we people cannot take care of our own people, I would say there is no difference between us and parasites. As I write this I have tears welling up in my eyes, but these days tears have no value, it is dismissed contemptuously!
RE:RE:They too are responsible !
by manish rogi on Mar 08, 2007 10:36 AM Permalink
You guys are mistaken...I never stopped loving or respecting my mother. But I made her understand that I have a life and she cannot lie just to create a rift between me and wife. I made her aware I need private time with my wife - I might take my wife for a movie or dinner once in a while. That my wife need not take shower he cooks the breakfast....
After I confronted the issue with an open mind ( I did have few words with my wife ), life with my parents was just fine.
RE:RE:RE:They too are responsible !
by deepak rawat on Mar 08, 2007 10:53 AM Permalink
Your and yours wife life was fine but was your Mom's life fine after you had a word with her?
RE:They too are responsible !
by indiantothecore on Mar 08, 2007 03:33 AM Permalink
Spoken like a typcial Indian Son lol
Those Bahus BETTER not kill the Girl Child in their wombs to beget a SON...cuz then they will be left at the mercy of their Sons who too will kick them out for a young pretty wife.
RE:RE:They too are responsible !
by manish rogi on Mar 08, 2007 04:02 AM Permalink
You bpought up a 'good point here... It is the MIL that troubles DIL for having only girl children (for not having boy to extend family tree - even if MIL is doctor who knows that it is X chromosome from Man make girl children....
RE:RE:RE:They too are responsible !
by indiantothecore on Mar 08, 2007 12:18 PM Permalink
MIL already did her JOB in extending the so called family tree didn't she...only to be dumped by him in her old age so why blame her for the desires of the young couple to beget a Son and commit female infanticide in the process.
In the old days MIL used to be an integral member of the family she mite have abused her authority, many have..but now she is an outsider in her own Son's Nuclear family where the DIL dictates her will in all the decisions the couple takes...rite from the color of the walls to the color of his tie. Every single thing the couple shares has to have her taste. Such a DIL makes his life a living hell if he cares for his parents/siblings while she conveniently drags this loser to her parents and makes him care and provide for them. Do U really blve such a DIL would let the MIL dictate the sex of her unborn child?
In small towns and villages people lead a conservative traditional life, there the Inlaws are equally at fault due to lack of education, however many a times it is the MAN who wants a SON and uses his Mother to enact the villain in the abortion drama at his home.
RE:RE:They too are responsible !
by Johnson D on Mar 08, 2007 07:51 AM Permalink
Mr. Manish & Mr. Sudarshan...
If you wanna leave your mothers... please do this... Repay your parents all the love, care and money they have spent on you to date... trust me you do it for the rest of your life and you won't get there... I hope your children leave you on the streets as You deserve that!!!!
RE:RE:RE:They too are responsible !
by Raju Aiyer on Mar 08, 2007 11:10 AM Permalink
Well said Johnson! Hey, have you ever listened to Paul Anka's 'Papa'. I would say "Amen" to what you have written. Hey, by any chance are you from B'lore. I had a friend and a class-mate by the name Johnson. We used to sit side-by-side. I always used to admire him for his attention to cleanliness. I lost contact with everyone of my classmates as soon as I migrated out of B'lore to Delhi.
RE:They too are responsible !
by amit khurana on Mar 08, 2007 07:54 AM Permalink
Grow up mate hope your Son's daughter does this to you and your wife and we all see how educated you will be at that time. I don't believe that its always the fault of the Bahu but it will be a better option for the Bahu to control her ego and be patient withe the elders of the family and give respect and i assure they will get love in return .
Not the "older " generation need educating but the "Younger" to spend some time with them talk to them thats all they really want and when this so called "younger" generation will grow up they will be "older" generation soon and then they will realise whats what in life
RE:RE:They too are responsible !
by anuj kumbhat on Mar 08, 2007 10:30 AM Permalink
The problem is that young generation has lost patience to tackle the issues and have started living an individualistic lifestyle. While they want everything from the society, they don't want to give anything back to it. They treat society / parents as friends or foes depending upon which is beneficial at any point in time. The problem will be solved if the parents are treated as family rather than intrusion. If they can keep their priorities behind us when we are growing and need care....why can't we keep their priorities ahead of us when they need care! HOW CAN WE ALWAYS LIVE FOR OURSELVES...HOW CAN WE BE SO SO VERY SELFISH...HOW WILL SOCIETY GROW THIS WAY?
RE:They too are responsible !
by arvind kumar on Mar 10, 2007 05:47 PM Permalink
well my friend ,the old generation needs respect and lots of love and care, rather than the so called educaion of urs. u r not born to educate them rather u r educated by them
