It is a shame that in India, we had to make laws to look after our parents.
I would like to ask our gurdians of 'tradition and culture' - were they busy pulling down some Valentines Gift Shop or demolishing structures to rescue somebody's 'Janmbhoomi' when the sitution turned such that the dues of old age, had to be legalised, to be received.
This is the first visible bandage that we are applying to the decay in our tradition. The difference of religion has always been a part of India (only ignorants agitate on this count), acceptance of Non-Indian cultures had been the hallmark of my country - (we have allowed even Pakistan Born leaders to head our opposition in Parlyament), but this is the first time we have declared to the world that the homes of India have ceased to respact and look after old age - so we are trying to mend the situation with some law.
I have never found the grounds of my country so shallow in the last 54 years.
It is heart warming to see that you were there with a big heart and love for these elderly ladies and provided them a shelter. You have done something that takes courage and great amount of love for humanity.
Your act will always touch my heart and remind me that there are people like you who will do anything that they can to alleviate the suffering in this world.
It must be heartbreaking for these ladies to see themselves being thrown out by their own kids. The same children who stayed in their wombs for 9 months and were fed by them. How can one make his/her own mother suffer this act of ingratitude from their own children, I can not understand.
May GOD give you all the strength and help that you need to keep helping these unfortunate ladies.
I salute to you Vaithi Ji, for you are doing a great service to humanity.
New Bill by default assumes man to be guilty or does it have guts to punish a women. Many age old parents are abandoned because of these nagins. But Women's cell never care for age old people and they support women(daughter-in-law) and ask her husband to abandon their parents. If she is not made happy then husband and his parents has to go to jail without investigation by false dowry harassment case (498A) and DV laws. Will these women be punished?
RE:New Bill same old stuff
by Senthil Kumar on Mar 08, 2007 12:20 AM Permalink
Dear Sanjay,
LOL! Let me rephrase what you are saying : You are saying that your wife would send you to Jail in dowry case unless you take care of her parents and abandon your parents!!
What kind of marriage is that!
"If you love something set it free. If it comes back to you, it was yours. Otherwise It never was!"
RE:RE:RE:New Bill same old stuff
by Senthil Kumar on Mar 08, 2007 12:33 AM Permalink
I see .. Isn't it better to divorce rather than being in a loveless marriage?!
I think When ever there is marriage with out love there will be love without marriage.
You do raise an interesting (and I must say sometimes true) point.
Women have been greatly (not completely) responsible for ill treatment given to other women.
Following is MOSTLY true: Saas will place big demand for dowry on potential Bahu's family. And if the dowry is not "good" then Bahu will be targeted whenever she can be... Saas does not like to see Bahu taking over son's life and will harbor ill will towards her. Bahu will not pay due respect to Saas and will try to demean her whenever she can... Maa will not give her Beti same treatment at home and will not encourage her to be independent...
Women need to change that too.
And of course, dowry laws should not be abused as they were meant to protect (which is still needed) women.
IT IS ONE SIDE HEARTENING TO NOTE SUCH OLD AGE HOMES - FOR WOMEN / MEN WHO DO NOT HAVE ANY SUPPORT TO CLING ON THEIR LIVES. WE SHOULD EMBRACE THIS ATTITUDE TO CONTRIBUTE IN WHETEVER FORM ONE COULD DO TO HELP SUCH A CAUSE.
ON THE OTHER SIDE - SONS AND DAUGHTERS ABONDONING THE PARENTS - IS ACURSE IN THIS SOCIETY WHICH HAS BECOME MATERIALISTIC. IF THESE PARENTS WOULD HAVE ABONDONED THEIR KIDS - THINKING THET THEY WERE BURDEN TO THEM - THEN WE SHOULD BY NOW HAVE LARGE NUMBER OF NOT OLD AGE HOMES BUT YOUNG AGE HOMES.
One thing unique about American Society in relation to Indian Society is the concept of "Self Reliance".
We have 10 children. Children bring us happiness. We are raising children for our own happiness. Making my children happy makes me happy. That is the main reason I make my children happy.
On the other hand I would never ever expect my children to help me at my old age. When I raise children I don't think about "Oh children should help parents at their old age".
I 'll stand on the earth as long as I can by myself. And then let it go.
That is living with pride and dignity.
I have seen many old living like that.
They are the ones who get the most love from their children as a matter of fact.
Please also keep in mind the ills of the American society due to this concept of "self reliance". Parents and kids are often not properly connected, kids do not care much about parents and their views. Parents do not dedicate much of their time and money for their kids... Kids do not treat parents and other elderly people with the respect we (Indians) in general are used to. The institute of marriage and family is broken in USA. Even the social/mental health specialists are worried in USA. So, before making such arguments, please keep in mind all facts.
While I do agree that parents should not try not to keep themselves dependent upon kids, it is not always possible for parents to save money for themselves (in India) for old age and there are many reasons for that.
Anyways, one should not forget the amount of love, comfort and material things provided by their parents, no matter how much parents suffered or how many times they spent it on their kids rather than on themselves.
And above all "Maa ke doodh kee koi keemat nahin hotee, woh to anmol hotaa hai.." just keep that in mind my dear friend.
We all should feel obliged to take care of our own parents to the best of our abilities.
There are fair amount of stupid people in the society. They all become stupid parents. It is wrong to assume that these stupid parents will become wise when they get to their old age.
I am not at all saying that old people shouldn't be taken care by their kids.
It is hard to imagine a A Kind, loving and sensitive old parent not having any one to support at the old age.
But in reality not many old people learned about kindness and Love when they were young.
Sad to know about the plight of mothers at the hands of their own children. Only God consciousness and sense of accountability before God after death will nip this problem from the bud. Islam has very clearly enshrined the duties of children towards parents and in the same breadth have warned of the consequences if forsaken. Man made laws cannot solve problems . Instead sense of Accountabilty before God will always lead a person towards righteous way in every aspect of life including obedience to parents and fullfilling their rights.
"Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or more attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honor. And out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say, "my Lord! bestow on them Thy Mercy, even as they cherished me in childhood." (Quran 17: 23,24)
All religions and all societies have given parents an honorable status. From a purely material viewpoint, we find ourselves indebted to our parents, particularly our mother. She not only nourished us in her womb, but went through pain and suffering. She loved us even before we were born. She toiled when we were totally helpless infants. She spent sleepless nights caring for us. Our parents as a team provided for all our needs: physical, educational, psychological, and in many instances, religious, moral, and spiritual. Our indebtedness to our parents is so immense that it is not possible to repay it fully. In lieu of this, it becomes obligatory for us to show the utmost kindness, respect, and obedience to our parents. The position of parents, and the mutual obligations and responsibilities, have been addressed in Islam in great detail.
The Qur'anic commandments, as well as the sayings of Prophet Muhammad guide us in this matter. The parent-child code of behavior in Islam is unique, since rules were laid down by divine command.
References to parents have been made at least 15 times in the Holy Qur'an. There are numerous traditions of the Prophet Muhammad on this subject. I will first quote some of the Qur'anic verses here:
"And We have enjoined on man (to be good) to his parents. In travail upon travail did his mother bear him, and in two years was his weaning. Show gratitude to Me and to thy parents; to Me is thy final goal." (Chapter31: verse14)
According to the above verse, gratitude to God and to parents go hand in hand. Gratitude to God is incomplete without showing gratitude to one's parents. Since being grateful to God is a form of ibadah (worship) which earns heavenly rewards, it can therefore be said that being grateful to one's parents also earns heavenly rewards.
"Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or more attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honor. And out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say, "my Lord! bestow on them Thy Mercy, even as they cherished me in childhood." (17: 23,24)
"We have enjoined on man kindness to his parents; in pain did his mother bear him, and in pain did she give him birth." (46:15)
Thus, God has enjoined on us to show kindness, respect, and humility to our parents. We are commanded to do this, even though they may have injured us. The only exception to the above command is made in the following verse:
"We have enjoined on man kindness to his parents; but if they strive (to force) thee to join with Me anything of which thou hast no knowledge, obey them not." (29:8)
Some of the traditions of Prophet Muhammad, and of the learned members of his family, about our responsibilities toward our parents are quoted here:
"Paradise lies under the feet of the mother."
"God's pleasure is in the pleasure of the father, and God's displeasure is in the displeasure of the father."
"He who wishes to enter Paradise through its best door must please his parents."
"It is a pity that some people may not attain Paradise, on account of not serving their old parents."
"If a person looks with love at his parents, God writes in his favor the reward equal to the performance of one Hajj."
[Someone asked, "will this promise be good if one looks at his parents one hundred times a day?" The Holy Prophet (pbuh) replied, "even if one does so a hundred thousand times a day, God gives the reward accordingly."]
"A man or woman is bound to be good to his or her parents, even though they may have injured him or her."
Imam Ja'far al-Sadiq (A.S.), the great-great-grandson of the Prophet Muhammad is reported to have quoted Imam 'Ali (A.S.) that, "disobedience to parents is a major sin." He also stated that, "if a person looks at the face of his or her parents with wrathful eyes, despite the fact that injustice was done to him or her by the parents, his or her salah (prayer) will not be accepted by God."
According to one of the Hadith-e-Qudsi, the following is reported about the status of parents:
"God has commanded that if anybody prays equal to the invocations performed by the prophets, such prayers will do no good if that person has been cursed by his or her parents."
It has also been related that the very first words which have been written on the Lauh-e-Mahfuz (The Heavenly Preserved Tablet) are:
"I am God, and there is no deity except Me. I am pleased with those with whom their parents are pleased, and I am displeased with those with whom their parents are displeased."
Prophet Muhammad is reported to have said: "On the Day of Judgment, my person will not be seen by those who drank liquor, those who on hearing my name did not invoke the blessings of God on me, or those who were cursed and disowned by their parents."
'Ali ibn al-Husain (A.S.) is reported to have said: "The right of your mother on you is that you should know that nobody could endure the trouble and the conditions under which she protected you and nourished you with the juice of her life, and tried with her heart and soul to satisfy all your needs in relation to hunger, thirst, dress, etc. She passed sleepless nights, suffering anxieties. She provided you with shelter against heat and cold, and protected you from ailments. It is not possible for you to compensate her, or thank her enough for all the services, except that God may give you guidance for that. The right of your father on you is that you should know that it is he who brought you into existence, and you are a branch of the tree of his life."
According to a reliable tradition, it is related that a man came to Prophet Muhammad and asked him to whom he should render kindness. The prophet told him to be kind to his mother. Three times he put the same question to the prophet, and three times he got the same answer. When he asked the question the fourth time, he was told to be kind to his father, indicating that the mother's right took precedence over that of the father!!!
Parents' duties: Islam has assigned certain duties to parents that they must fulfill. If they fail in those, they will be questioned about it. Besides providing the basic necessities of life, Islam requires that the parents teach their children about the Oneness of God, the Quranic commandments, values, the Prophets and their teachings, and the moral code of Islam as according to the Quran and the Sunnah (teachings) of Prophet Muhammad.
Let us pray to God that He guide us to be respectful, kind, and obedient to our parents, and that we continue to show them humility regardless of the power, position, wealth, and influence we may possess. Let us also pray that we be patient, kind, thoughtful, and friendly with our children, as we guide them through their lives, and that we discharge our responsibilities towards them as required by our religion, so that God may be pleased with us, and may He Bless and reward us, both in this world and in the Hereafter; Ameen.
RE:The Status of Parents
by Sarfraz Husain on Mar 08, 2007 02:48 PM Permalink
nice quotes to signify the importance of parents.even if they have done injustice to us we have to be patient with them and treat them nicely. "if a person looks at the face of his or her parents with wrathful eyes, despite the fact that injustice was done to him or her by the parents, his or her salah (prayer) will not be accepted by God."
I'm glad someone has brought the painful and unfortunate condition of these wonderful,great women to light.Shame on their sons and daughters! Its sad that they have to desert the one person who has stuck up for them their entire life, attended to all their whims n fancies with love and yet have no expectations in return for all that they have done! I'm a 17 year old and my head bows down with disgust that older,educated people can do such a barbaric act...I'd just love to hug all 108 of them there...
