sairam to all of you. every one should realise one thing that we will also be old one day and who is going to take care of us that day.inculcate proper values in children when they are with you. you treat your elders properly, love them take care of them, show concern.then you don't have to teach specially these qualities, when children see you in action they will also learn. matru devo bhava, pitru devo bhava, acharya devo bhava, athidi devo bhava.give them satvic food, thought and culture.these days education instead of giving proper values of humanity it is only giving ego and materialistic atitude. through money that is the attitude.every one should realise love,charity starts at home. what you SOW it will reap like that only.children should realse whether it is parents or in - laws both have undergone the same difficulties for bringing up the children. MAKE THE HOUSE A TEMPLE. GIVE SOME TIME ONCE IN A WEEK TO YOUR PARENTS AS THEY GAVE YOU THEIR LIFE. I HOPE I COULD EXPLAIN MY POINT. SAIRAM TO ALL AND MAKE GOD YOUR FRIEND AND CHANT HIS NAME CONSTANTLY INSTEAD OF FEELING FOR YOUR CHILDREN WHO DISOWN YOU. IT IS VERY DIFFICULT BUT IT IS THE BEST. HAVE FAITH IN HIM HE WILL SEND SOME BODY TO BE WITH YOU.LOVE ALL SERVE ALL. THEN THERE IS NO DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SON,DAUGHTER OR OTHERS.YOU EXPECT SOMETHING THEN SUFFERING STARTS.DON'T EXPECT THEN NO SUFFERING.SAIRAM.
RE:old age
by BALAKRISHNAN GANESH on Mar 17, 2007 04:11 PM Permalink
I always believe that it our responsiblity to take care of our parents when they become old. One would never understand as a child how the parents brought them up. As human life is a vicious circle, u are born dependent and die dependant during old age. It is important since parents take care of their child during childhood, it is the duty of everychild to take care of the parent when they need them. The question does not come who has to understand whom, if parents had thought what his child would be after grown up, they would have taken care of themselves.
As India follows into footsteps of developed countries (culturally and economically), we are seeing same social changes that are in USA/UK. Nursing homes are omnipresent in USA. India is becoming more materialistic and individualistic society. It is a good and bad thing. Good in the sense that younger generation is choosing to live life the way they like even if it means abandoning the culture/responsibilities. Bad thing since we are abandoning individual responsibilities in absence of proper system to take care of elders /disabled. A law requiring son/daughter to take care of parents may be helpful but certainly not a solution. It requires broader approch by society/social organizations and government to develop a social security like system that exist in USA. Certainly this again doesn't solve all problems but at least basic necessities are met for all elders. However emotional trauma of being abandon by own children will alway be there.
Also, babyboomers need to learn to plan for there retirement and old age. They should not get carried away to the point that they spent there retirement money in marrying a son/daughter or paying for a private school education which they cannot afford. Everybody (old or young) wants to live life their own way which requires money. Planing for your own retirement is therefore very important. A rich and healthy parents are never abandoned because they continue to be source of support, guidance and love.
Also, a nuclear family requires tremendous amount of understanding between all members of the family. Therefore, nuclear families are less common in Individualistic societies. As India continues its journey to be a developed nation (Economically and Culturally), some of this socail issues are inevitable.
RE:Social phenomenon in india
by on Mar 11, 2007 06:44 AM Permalink
Correction.
As India continues its journey to be a developed nation (Economically and Socially), some of this issues are inevitable.. India is already a culturally very well developed country.(more so then western countries)
There are 2 lessons to be learnt from this article... For elders- Do earn enough to save something for yourself till the end of yor life. For younger generation - Remember a time will come when you would also be in this league. Please do not think your parents as burden, rather try and accommodate them as they are a part of your family (they have done the same thing and while growing up you have also done it). As time changes, society changes, life style changes but your blood relation does not - this is not an emotional statement but a thought every one should have.
RE:Lessons to be learnt
by Krishna Raj on Mar 17, 2007 06:07 PM Permalink
Dear Narayanan G Viswanathan,
Do you think we should remind the ourselves regarding this matter? It should naturally come to our mind. We will be facing same situation we we become old. So that we need to imbibe our next generation same traditional values in respecting the elders of the family.
We have 10 children. Children bring us happiness. We are raising children for our own happiness. Making my children happy makes me happy in turn. That is the main reason I make my children happy.
On the other hand I would never ever expect my children to help me at my old age. When I raise children I don't think about "Oh children should help parents at their old age".
I 'll stand on the earth as long as I can by myself. And then let it go.
That is living with pride and dignity.
I have seen many old people living like that.
They are the ones who get the most love from their children as a matter of fact.
RE:Self Reliance
by raghavan tiruvallur on Mar 10, 2007 05:39 PM Permalink
mr senthil, please take a print out of what you have written and keep it with you safely. you read this at your age of 70 at that time you will realise what your writing was
RE:RE:Self Reliance
by Senthil Kumar on Mar 10, 2007 07:37 PM Permalink
My parents brought me up as a self reliant man. Never ever to expect any help from an uncle or other relatives/family friends.
My parents in their late 70s now won't take a penny or any help from their children except love.
RE:RE:RE:Self Reliance
by vidyadhar ramachandra kulkarni on Mar 13, 2007 01:08 PM Permalink
dear Senthil Kumar, your point is valid.. i never expect my children to look at me when i am old.. that is living with pride,and diginity. and it is a lesson to all to keep some amount saved for themselves when they are young espically the ones who r working in private sector.. AS SOMEONE HAS SUGGESTED.. PLEASE DO TAKE A PRINT OUT OF WHAT U HAVE WRITTEN.. ATLEAST AT THE AGE OF 70 U WILL PROVE THAT U WERE RIGHT
Love cannot be equated for money...Self reliance in the form of money can be done but where will you by love and warm words..These grannies are in need of warm words and love not money?
RE:Self Reliance
by kalyan chatrathi on Mar 13, 2007 06:38 PM Permalink
senthil - are you implying that the children give 'most love' only if their parents support themselves? What responsibilites and duties does one have towards their parents? I feel it is acceptable to state that one dont want to expect 'help' from their kids but what does one feel towards his/her parents?
This is not a question of money, it never was. It was always about finding a tiny place for parents in one's heart and treating them with the same kindness and tenderness that they displayed when the kids were in the diapers.
RE:RE:Self Reliance
by Senthil Kumar on Mar 13, 2007 09:20 PM Permalink
Love can't be demanded .. Love is not like duty ..
If your desirability, your maturity, your inherent worth, can't move the other person, then all you have left is to indebt people to you. You are preying on their guilt.
Many said that law and police intervention will not help. Actually, these old grannies must be counseled to file a case against their children. Organizations like Vishranthi must take initiatives on such issues. Though old mothers and fathers need not go back to their children to live, the law will atleast force the children to pay the organization that takes care of them. Then "Adopt a Granny" concept will not exist as the children would be mandated to pay the expenses of their parents. Old people are very emotional and they say they dont want to file a case against their children. But, how do you get the children to their senses. The old people in destitute homes must be encouraged to file cases against their children.
I dont know why everyone talks only about mothers here. There are lot of cases, where even old fathers are left at old age homes. This cannot be solved by just punishing or putting fine on their children. That will only increase the hatred towards their parents. What needs is a good counselling. Every guy should do proper investments and savings plan, so that it would help himself and his wife during old age. Am not saying that children should not take care of their parents. But savings would atleast create some sort of security to their old age life. Also I donot agree the fact that daughter in laws are responsible for the fights in the family or sending mothers to old age home. Before marriage, every mother would be doing everything for her son and after his marriage she would expect to continue doing this. But her daughter in law would prefer to do everything for her husband and there comes the misunderstanding and mothers would start developing some sort of complex (which is natural). At this juncture, its the responsibility of every son to bridge the gap between his mother and his wife. He should make them understand and ensure that no misunderstanding occurs between them. (I dont know why my earlier message was reported as bogus. What was wrong in my sentence? Whoever reporting as bogus, first reply and then report as bogus. Otherwise I would keep posting this message)
RE:Punishment wont help...
by rehena none on Mar 10, 2007 09:21 AM Permalink
Great write up....Keep it up! Kash there were more sensible people like you. Now-a-days in the name of taking care of parents, daughter in law is tortured or in turn to please the daughter in law, mother in law is. Can this ever stop?
I dont know why everyone talks only about mothers here. There are lot of cases, where even old fathers are left at old age homes. This cannot be solved by just punishing or putting fine on their children. That will only increase the hatred towards their parents. What needs is a good counselling. Every guy should do proper investments and savings plan, so that it would help himself and his wife during old age. Am not saying that children should not take care of their parents. But savings would atleast create some sort of security to their old age life. Also I donot agree the fact that daughter in laws are responsible for the fights in the family or sending mothers to old age home. Before marriage, every mother would be doing everything for her son and after his marriage she would expect to continue doing this. But her daughter in law would prefer to do everything for her husband and there comes the misunderstanding and mothers would start developing some sort of complex (which is natural). At this juncture, its the responsibility of every son to bridge the gap between his mother and his wife. He should make them understand and ensure that no misunderstanding occurs between them.
RE:Punishment wont help
by pramod kumar on Mar 12, 2007 09:44 AM Permalink
I feel really pity on the children who dont look after there parents, but i just want to raise a point that every one says one should save money for future.. but will that be sufficient, when children come to know that the parents have some savings, they will treat them well, and coax them to give away there money, later on abonding them. This is what happens in this materialistic world, what i feel is proper moral education in school should help, and also councelling may help.
i really feel sad reading this. it doesnt matter who the sons or daughters are, until they dont realize their mistakes no councelling or punishment can help them, neither their parents. i dont know how these kids live with themselves. our mind is the best judge of our actions and if these guys do such things there is a little chance of improvement. i dont mean to preach here so i will just say one thing; all those who have posted a comment can adopt a granny. there will be enough money to take care of these unfortunate mothers. i am going to do it, this will be something good i do for the day. i urge others to do the same.
please help our mothers, we are Indians live up to the honor.
