it doent now matter if u work for an IT/ITES companies.With companies recognising women in workplaces and occupying higher echeleons this will come up.The manner in which you balance your family and work,how well you can say no to working away your weekends or nights will be important weather you are a man or woman.And I think its high time we stopped complaining & decided how to draw the line. Of course thats the ideal situation. But as we move towards a more materialistic India divorce rates will only increase.Finally its what an individual wants out of life and not the organization you work for Or is it time to examine our very "Saab" culture?
RE:Thoughts on Work Pressure
by kumar dammu on Aug 03, 2007 05:31 AM Permalink
divorce is always a good cure for abusive or never-meant-tobe-together couples.
The Indian culture reacts dramatically when couples divorce and I think it is a joke when society dictates wether a couple should remain undivorced when in first place they don't want to continue as a couple.
I don't under stand how a society can be so rude by forcing unwanted marriage and guard it for life.
A divorce is always hard on kids ...but the kids might lose even more when they are subject to every day viewing of hostilities between the parents.
I am sure that there is some truth in the article, as it is borne out by my experience. I work at a BPO which requires working in the night. I got married, but within hardly 2 weeks, my wife was a mental wreck, and had to be taken to a mental health professional. I do not, ofcourse , know if she had any problems before marriage. Her parents had to come, and took her home. Thereafter, my parents are insisting that the marriage be broken off, as they suspect that she had problems even before the marriage, and that even the child would be affected. Though we tried for an out of court settlement, the girl's relatives do not agree. It is almost a year since this has happened, and I do not know whether to work at a patch up or for a separation, as I am getting conflicting advice from all concerned.
Have you tried counseling? I think you should find out (if necessay use a detenctive agency) whether she had mental illness even before marriage. This should be possible if she is being treated by the same mental health care facility that was being used by her family before marriage. If she was ill before marriage and you were kept in dark about that I am of the view that you have been cheated and hence will have no obligation what so ever unless you feel committed to her and are prepared to nurse her back to health. The talk of love, togetherness in sickness and in health etc are all fine. But reality of caring for metally ill person is a different ball game and no one has a right to judge you if you decide other wise. However, if she has become sick after marriage, you will have to assume full responsibility whether you like it or not on principle of justice.
RE:Of marriage & IT
by Loan Shark on Aug 03, 2007 04:13 AM Permalink
Did you not take time off from work after marriage ... like a two week honeymoon in khajuraho?
went back to work immediately after marriage? poor wife ... no entry?
RE:Of marriage & IT
by Loan Shark on Aug 03, 2007 04:11 AM Permalink
working at night doesn't mean that you couldn't have sex during the day ... who told you that sex was a night activity ... men and women can have sex anytime .... there is no season for sex either ... also, mentally challanged are perfectly capable of good sex.
BTW, did you guys not see each other at all except for on weekends?
RE:Of marriage & IT
by abc on Aug 08, 2007 01:42 PM Permalink
Dear Ranjith, Ur doing ur best and correct.This can happen to anyone and at anytime in life!If this would have revesred then?So give soem time to your realtion(dnt listen to otehrs).Give ur wife full support,love,care she will definately come out of all this with ur efforts!Frankly discuss things with her,try to understand her point as well.Most important have patience! God bless you and your wife all happiness..
RE:Of marriage & IT
by Gautam nil on Aug 03, 2007 06:53 AM Permalink
I gather from what you write that you still love your wife. Probability is that though she could have had a minor problem earlier to you marriage, she appears to have been uniformly good with you till late when due to your either late return from your office or due to suspicion of your possible relationship with either your co working females or outside females as many females are easily available for a price as I gather, could have further aggravated her condition. After all generally women are sincere in love and it could have resulted due to disappointment in love with you, it is your duty as a husbabd who lived with your wife at least for a night or more not to seperate from her but to sacrifice your life for her to look after her health by spending money whatever is necessary. I am sure you love and affection with God's blessings as observed and felt by her will definitely bring her back o you as more than a normal wife with more love to you. Please don't listen to even your parents in this regard though parents are to be much regarded! Your such a sacrice will be fitting to your wife's welfare and your problem thus will be solved soon this way! Best of luck!
RE:Of marriage & IT
by Sanjay on Aug 03, 2007 08:08 AM Permalink
very well said Gautam. I totally agree with you that Ranjith should do his best by spending time and money to bring her wife back.
RE:Of marriage & IT
by kumar on Aug 03, 2007 11:51 AM Permalink
first of Ranjith sounds like a looser...
I wouldn't be surprised if he dumps his wife if he knows she has cancer even after say 10 years into his marriage....
ofcourse the Super Powers (God, Allah, Jesus, stars) are always watching such crooks and some day they will punch him by blessing him with a terminal illness and he will be deserted by his kids and friends.
wake up Ranjith...don't betray your spouse in sickness ...u materialistic fool....go to your wife ask for forgiveness and love her for what she is...in past present and future.
haven't you taken wedding vows ..have u forgotten them so conveniently!
"With this ring I thee wed, and all my worldly goods I thee endow. In sickness and in health, in poverty or in wealth, 'til death do us part."
Time was when Indian women would accept whatever her husband did, for she feared end of her existence without her husband.
Times are changing. Financially independent women don't take nonsense from their husband and kick them out of their life, if the husband is a total loser. More women should take lesson from these divorces - that divorces are no longer a social taboo and that they must not lose their self-respect to a worthless and intimidating partner.
Times are changing for good ... more power to women.
RE:Financial freedom liberates women
by kumar dammu on Aug 03, 2007 05:19 AM Permalink
I am a man and saddened to see that they are a lot of men in India who still view woman have no right to equal property inheritance.
RE:Financial freedom liberates women
by Gautam nil on Aug 03, 2007 07:02 AM Permalink
Mr. Kumar, this Loan shark is another money lender perhaps as he writes all nonsense himself as above, and does not go onto values of humanity. Perhaps he is more materialistic as a money lender by his name What more can we expect from his stature?
Those fake "westerners" of Indian origin who live in India, but persistently talk about efficiency due to possession of some wealth are those entirely responsible for such grave situation amidst working couple especially in Bangalore! These moneyed fellows try always to identify themselves with those of western countries in sustained propaganda about efficiency in comparison with abroad! Perhaps, their quitting India permanently to settle in abroad, in their most efficient country of their own choice , instead of such fake comparisons can solve both the problems! In a nation, predominantly populated with people below poverty line without even one time food, can efficiency be equated with those with overflowing resources? Is it not a simple analogy? It is said wherever Goddess Lakshmi thrives, Goddess Sarawathy doesn%u2019t dwell!
RE:Will the IT corportae institutions address this debacle?
by Girish Bangalore on Aug 03, 2007 05:05 AM Permalink
Yes when Laloo's and Deve Gowda's rule the country. When applying for a telephone was a privelege, when buying a cordless phone other than the ITI make black phone was a crime.. there definitely would be difference in efficiency and also the reason for the bulk of the country in poverty so that the corrupt few can thrive. So, wha't wrong if these "Westerners" are giving us a reality check? Why do we have to get into a shell and blame them?
RE:Will the IT corportae institutions address this debacle?
by Gautam nil on Aug 03, 2007 06:27 AM Permalink
Telecommunication privatisation has resulted in Reliance trying to cheat Govt to the tune of crores for which they had to pay fine of crores. Tata telecom has brought great confusion amidst subscribers other than Tata who also should know the information of Tata subscribers, by not providing information centres on wide publicity like Govt. Wher are other players for land lines? Wireless telecommunication is health hazard which is denied by the telecom companies stating they are within a safe limit which is a myth taking advantage of controversy in western research. Prior to privatisation of telecom. Things were beautiful compared to what is available to common publice. The so called corruption is multi fold now to get better service from the so called private players. Only few moneyed fellows enjoy privatisation.
RE:Will the IT corportae institutions address this debacle?
by Girish Bangalore on Aug 04, 2007 08:04 AM Permalink
So.. your logic is.. if something doesn't smell good the cut the nose?
RE:RE:RE:Will the IT corportae institutions address this debacle?
by Gautam nil on Aug 21, 2007 03:15 AM Permalink
Mr. Girish, what I try to say is very simple to cut nose when cancer is detected in nose, in your own example!
These comparatively few well to do families make noise against public organizations managed by Governments, merely on selfish grounds to grow more wealthy ! They, including persons like shri Narayana Murthy are entirely responsible for the so called PRIVATISATION in the country! These privatized companies practically SUCK BLOOD of the employees, projecting a sophistication by way of salaries, stylish dresses, western accent of language, white skinned fair looking boys and girls, without the least consideration to the impact on the social and family lives of such over working employees!
RE:Will the IT corporate institutions address the Debacle?
by Girish Bangalore on Aug 03, 2007 05:09 AM Permalink
Right.. go back to Deve Gowda's age then. Be his slave forever. Sam Pirtoda's and Narayan Murthy's gave us telephones and internet access so that now we can discuss and fight for our rights. If you didn't have these people then you would be standing in line in front of Deve Gowda's house to get his thumb print so that you may apply for a telephone service
RE:RE:Will the IT corporate institutions address the Debacle?
by Gautam nil on Aug 03, 2007 06:36 AM Permalink
More you write you display your ignorance as Narayana murthy was never connectd with telecommunication. Narayana murthy is now answerable for more than 3000 divorces amidst employees of Corporate I.T. companies of most efficiency in Bangalore for the past years from 2003. How Mr. Narayana murthy being an excellent manager, could not lay his hand in this field to manage efficiently for the past several years? Sam Pitroda has'nt done any thing to Indian Telecommunications! Govt. rules and regulations are most sensible though people like you could have impaired here and there due to lack of thoughts!
RE:Will the IT corporate institutions address the Debacle?
by Girish Bangalore on Aug 04, 2007 08:21 AM Permalink
Alright buddy.. I guess you are not getting the point, let's not waste each others time. But if you do have some time (which I believe you do), please read the book "The World is Flat"
I am aware of western regulations where employees are not permitted to work continuously on computers as they are compulsorily given breaks for a minimum durations of fifteen minutes for every working hour on the basis of scientific recommendations! The sustained long works on computers bear psychological impacts, besides physical impairment too, such as impotency as reported in the above report rightly.These mal-effects were known to Governments well before and hence in Government services, duty timings are fixed and the employees are never asked to over work except on rarest occasions when situations demand! If salaries are compared more salaries are paid for more work in private firms, leading to several social and private problems as reported, while less salaries are paid for fixed time works in Government services! The rules and regulations of Government is entirely on the basis of rich logical basis!
An abstract aristocratic aroma has been attached to private blood sucking institutions as Corporate firms with no eye on major welfare of the employees, resulting in such a great impact on social and personal lives of the employees as statistics show! These private firms will have to be heavily penalized for such a drastic menace of inflicting unwanted tensions, developing impotency, psychic changes and also for developing fresh love affairs between the working boys and girls and also amidst married employees and officers leading to miseries of kids and partners due to divorces! Did shri Narayana murthy, the great IT manager forget to manage to solve such illogical social calamity? Did he not consider an employee who brought fortune to the industry, should also enjoy his personal life?
In 2003, the number of cases from the IT sector was 283 while in 2004 it went upto 526. Statistics available show that in 2005 the figure went up to 946 and in 2006 the figure was 1,246. I am not undermining the statistics, but don't you think that no. of IT people working in Bangalore has more than tripled/quatapuled in the last 4-5 years?
RE:Statistics.
by Loan Shark on Aug 03, 2007 03:59 AM Permalink
good point ... but the truth is that those women making enough money don't want to put up with that wife-beating loser anymore
it is minuscule, less than 1% of married people with one or both in IT...so what is rediff and everyone else making such a brouhaha about?..it is not expected to be always compatible for 2 people, especially when you have a culture of arranged marriage, where there is no physical contact before the wedding (as per the major reason cited here by rediff for separation)
RE:1300 is not a big number
by vikatakavi on Aug 03, 2007 07:30 AM Permalink
1300 is not a big number. True but considering that one out of every two divorces are from IT sector, that is an alarming pct.
